Ben Never: Letters to myself: I was thinking of you today.

Letters To Myself: I Was Thinking Of You Today

Ben Never

Dear Self,

I was thinking of you today. Nothing specific, I just came to think of you. How you sometimes think of yourself, how minor you are, how… I don’t know what you really think, but you are good. Maybe you are even better.

You are right, 5’10” is not that big and, as you always say, you get to ride a motorcycle when you are big enough, I am sorry to tell you, but: You are not. Forget about that. And maybe you should stop thinking about your weight, too. 185 lbs is good, it is fine. Just do your sports, take a good look at the stuff you eat and you’ll get in shape, maybe lose some more or be just fine. Stop thinking that you are… still wibbly-wobbly on your hips, dumbass! Remember where you started, eight months ago! I am proud of you!

Maybe you should stop thinking, that you are not good enough, too. I know, you did some mistakes, remember, I was there, too. But that is what people do. We are not perfect. And sometimes, we are just assholes. Why should you be different? You know, that’s the crazy thing, that there are few really bad people out there, but nobody is as good in being you as you are. Just be yourself. Try to be polite. Supportive. Relax, listen and take care of yourself. Don’t listen too much to what others say, not even what I say. Listen to yourself. And see how good you are.

See what you have achieved so far. First of all, you turned 37, what means that, against what you thought when you were 15, you are still alive. No train dropped on your head, you did not fall from a roof and you are a surprisingly good driver, as far as I can tell. Okay, you have problems when it comes to using knives and sharp tools but the last time I counted, you still had eight fingers and two fully working opposable thumbs and the reason why you know that a male nipple regrows is totally another story that no one wants to hear.

(Editor’s note: leave them fucking steam cookers alone, you fools, when they blow the steam off other than through the vent on the lid)

I know, some think you should have gone to the College instead of going to work and others might say, active duty could have been a mistake, but you are here now. You got a degree, at least some kind of. You are about to do a job that you could really like, finally. You are sane, probably most time of the day, some people like your writings and you seem to have your shit together, for the moment. That’s pretty cool, you know?

Yes, you are a lazy fucker and you should read more. Yes, your sarcasm will get you into trouble someday. No, you are still not allowed to throat punch stupid people. Got any further questions?

No? Good. Then listen to me. Just another minute or two. Don’t let them get you down for being who you are. I know that you are good, that you are doing the best you can. You are perfectly flawed and you are enough. I was told that you are enough. And I have no reason to not believe her.

So, I think I’ll leave you alone now, for a while. And when you feel like, I don’t know… When you have some kind of hang over, when you are tired of yourself, think of me and that I thought of you and maybe read this here again.

P.S.: She says you are funny. And cute. I think she likes you.

Writer Name: Ben Never

Facebook: @ben.never.writes

Instagram: @ben.never.writes

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