Susan M. Conway: Love letters to myself, I’ve been thinking about you today.

Letters to myself: I've been thinking about you today. Dear mind, body, and soul, I was thinking of you today, feeling bad, feeling fragile, feeling the weight of my past hammering me into the ground again. I've written a lot of hard things lately. I know this has hurt you in so many ways. You… Continue reading Susan M. Conway: Love letters to myself, I’ve been thinking about you today.

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Susan M. Conway: I was always the shit show.

I was always the shit show. Hi! It's me again, Margaret; the girl that ALWAYS got too drunk at parties, or restaurants, or anywhere really. The girl that prided herself on being able to handle her liquor, self professed life of the party once the tequila kicked in. Miss. I just need a drink or… Continue reading Susan M. Conway: I was always the shit show.

Susan M. Conway: I am screaming in the basement.

I am screaming in the basement. "Have I not always been a mighty roar, even in the basement levels of my despair?" I am my own heart's jailer. I am, simultaneously, the key turner to the locked doors of my heart's chambers. But, I do not know this yet as I slam my fists, and… Continue reading Susan M. Conway: I am screaming in the basement.

Susan M. Conway: I wanted to believe that you could never be that cruel.

I wanted to believe you could never be so cruel. We all live in our own versions of heaven and hell. Never simultaneously, always rattling cages, quivering masses of chaos in one dark corner or another. We all want what we we tell ourselves we can't have. I wanted to believe that you couldn't be… Continue reading Susan M. Conway: I wanted to believe that you could never be that cruel.

Susan M. Conway: I will not apologize for the shape I am.

I roamed the wilderness burning for a wild so pristine she had no name, only a soul deep gnawing that served as my compass. I wandered alone, filthy, starving, purging, and seeking nourishment for years.

Susan M. Conway: Love is a lesson.

Love is a lesson. Love is a lesson in letting go. Love is a lesson in never holding on too tightly. Love is a lesson in the sanctity of vulnerability. Love is a lesson in leaving and being left. Love is a lesson in loving yourself when everyone and everything else is gone. Love is… Continue reading Susan M. Conway: Love is a lesson.

Susan M. Conway: I’ve been under water for a month now.

I've been under water for a month now. My body hurts all over. I feel fucking 90 years old, a rickety ass rocking chair with pebbles under her rockers. Overused and sold out by my own body. Fuck you for that. Just… fuck you for that. I've been under water for a month now, could… Continue reading Susan M. Conway: I’ve been under water for a month now.